For parents: Stages of change, signs of progress and how to support your child
Stages of Change
As your child recovers from self-injury, they will move through stages marked by changes and shifts in attitudes and behaviours.
Although the depiction here is of a line, this process usually does not happen in a linear way—your child may move back and forth between stages as they recover, so what you might percieve as setbacks are normal!
This infographic is intended to help you learn how your child is growing through this process, and how to best support them as they do so.
Moratorium
Your child lacks awareness or interest in change.
Signs of Progress
- Even small shifts in your child's awareness, confidence, or intentions are signs of progress.
Support
How to support
- Improve your own awareness of self-injury
- Ensure both you and your child hav ea solid support system (including therapy!)
What to avoid
- Don't trut o covince, cajole, or threaten
- Direct conversations about self-injury might not be beneficial right now
Awareness
Your child has a growing sense of awareness of how self-injury is affecting their life and others—but they are still using self-injury to cope.
Signs of Progress
- Your child may find hope that they may be able to live a life free of self-injury
- They may also feel a sense of fear that change is hard to accomplish, and that they will not be able to use self-injury to cope with strong negative emotions
How to support
- Reinforce your child's hope
- Reinforce confidence that your child will be able to face and deal with negative feelings
- Remind your child that you are there to support them
- Remind your child of the progress they are making
What to avoid
- Don't disregard the work happening internally (it's a lot!)—even if change seem slow on the outside
Preparation
Your child is beginning to recognize the need to change, and has a growing desire to change
Signs of Progress
- Clear efforts to minimize or stop behaviour
- Greater commitment to stopping
- Openness to learning recovery skills
How to support
- Acknowledge progress & effort
- Offer support in connecting your child to resources to further growth
What to avoid
- Avoid expressing discouragement in self-injuries—keep modest expectations at this point, self-injury is still likely in this stage (though it may begin to decrease!)
Reminder
Self-injury recovery doesn't always happen in a straight line, your child may cycle through phases (move backward and forward again) throughout their recovery.
Rebuilding / Action
Your child is taking regular steps to change, with an increasing amount of success!
Signs of Progress
- Your child shows an understanding that stopping is not just about wanting to stop, but also about taking active steps top stop and creating a new way of living
- A "new way of living" might include new activities or hobbies and learning positive ways of dealing with stressful thoughts and feelings
How to support
- Work to better understand your child's unique perspectives on life and their own feelings
- Maintain positive communications, offering suggestions for new strategies for managing urges and developing new habits
What to avoid
- Avoid the urge to "fix" things quickly and instead balance it with a desire to support and encourage your child's own learning and growth through active listening & patience
Stability
Your child has been self-injury-free for one year!
Signs of Success
- Your child has an understanding of what situations might trigger self-injury and uses healthy ways of coping with self-injury when triggered
How to support
- Acknowledge the work they have put in to getting here, and their ability to tolerate urges and thoughts they may have that once might have led to self-injury
Remember
Self-injury can come and go, and it is not uncommon for someone to experience a relapse at this stage—if this happens, all is not lost and you should encourage and support your child with getting back on track
Secure
Self-injury-free for 5+ years
Signs of Success
- A wide range of healthy coping strategies are used (like exercise or gathering support from friends) and urges to self-injure are fewer and pass by quickly
How to Support
- Continue to offer recognition for your child's accomplishments and acceptance of the person they have become
- Provide emotional support as needed
Generally, if someone makes it five years without injuring, the chances that they will suffer a major relapse are slim.
